Dear BlackMan
I just want to understand what it is about us that you hate? I love yall from the dark skin, broad shoulder, salt and pepper beard, hair like magic that go from balls of curls to waves in the sea, but what is it about us that you hate so much?
I have this space that i live between and its not even in comparison to a rock and a hard place but much deeper than that. I feel like some of yall love us to the density of our bones and I think that is how God intended it to be. However and I say a big however, there are some of them/yall/whatever that I can really see the hate in your eyes and it truly terrifing to say the least. How can someone who look like me, look at me with such disgust and I know the saying, all skin folk aint kinfolk, but that look is something totally deeper.
I remember during the pandemic I mentioned to my homegirl how I wanted to have this shirt made that said something along the lines of “I shouldn’t have to compare you to a woman in your life for you to respect me”, and honestly, its always been towards Black men. And before you even get started, I am not trying to add to the race war that is so clearly going on [or it could honestly be my timeline, so maybe its something I still have to work through in therapy], but its just so sad to see. I am so big on, love who you love, but don’t do it for the image or society.
I am the last peson to tell someone not to date outside of their race, because I honestly do believe in finding the person who not only genuinely loves all of you for you and truly makes you happy, but also someone who is going to treat all of you how you need to be also wants to learn how to be. But living in a place like LA, its just not the same. There is definitly a “type” out here. Any shade lighter than the paper bag, straight or big curly hair. And when you are nothing of the type, you can quickly forget your beauty. I recently met what started off as a lovely black man at one of my favirute hookah spots [no I am not an addict], and he bought me a drink and paid for me and my gf’s refill. But quickly I was reminded that while I may be approached, I don’t deserve the same respect. When asked how my dating experience has been in LA, I answered with my true experience and said “You know, the black and especially dark girls dont get love like that out here”. Which in return I was met with a very quick and short fused attitude. I was calm and just speaking factally to me and my gf’s experiences. He proceedded to cut me off everytime I tried to speak and eventually when he was tired of my calm tone, decidede to hang up on me mid sentence. And shortly tected with “ You are so disrespectful”. And I respondede with a “Disrespect is hanging up on people”, followed by a quick BLOCK. If you are not mature and cant handle a conversation, just say that. Lets not forget when he tried to pull the age rank [Love those moments], by saying “ I am ass grown man, Im 32 [I think that was the age] and I dont even like to move like that, how old are you anyway”, in a very condescending and belittling voice. I gave a soft chuckle and smiled, and answered “Im 38”. We all know that shut him up, lol.
I recently saw a video of a young girl who was what seemed to be outside with her hair naturally free, a semi sheer shirt and she just looked genuinly happy. Her nipples were definitely hard, but I clicked the video in envy, because I really wish I knew how to be as comfortble with my nipples just running free. However 10 seconsd into the video it was actually a duet of a black man going in on her nipples sayingit was too cold for that, blah blah blah. The comments were men who boo’d him because they were thirty, and honestly I think I would pick a thirsty man over someonee who just hates me. But then again the thirsty men usually do turn into the men who end up hating us. So I guess there is no winning in this scenario.
I always beg to ask the question, why is it that you love everyone else so much? They don’t understand your life like we do? They wont understand the culrural references that we do. They wont teach you about yourslef the same way we do. They won;t know how to give you that same same anything really. But my next worry always comes down to the kids you then have. No one is going to teach them how to properly take care of their hair, prepare them for the world that they tuly live in, to show them what a family like ours looks like?
I met soemone recently who was so excited about their new black millionaire that they were dating. They were both young and she was not black. I had just talked about what my experience was like dating and she continues to flash her hinge page and show us all of the black men that wanted to be with her. She was tone deaf. I didn;t make a comment about theier relationship, but I did. say, should this get serious, just please do “the work” when and if you two should decide to have kids. She looked lost and there sat 3 black women explaining what she would face ahead. I have dated outside of my race and as much as I may love how they love on me, I need to know how they are with my community of blackness and my world in it. The first one I dated was white but he worked in the culrure. Not a vulture but very much a man “of the culture”. He made a comment that Fabiola now would cringe. Somethign along the lines of “I dont like soca music, _insert some dumb reason why here_. Like sir, do you understand thats a whole culture. All you have to say is, Soca isn’t for me. I don’t need you to be in love with what I am in love with, just have some respect for my culture, because that would be our child’s cutlture.
With the recent news of Keke Palmer and her abusive ex Darius Jackson, many women said the same thing, went that tweet went viral, thats when we all knew. To know that so many of us know what its like to see a
