While summer continues to somewhat linger, we can officially say we have entered the Fall season. Fall brings some of the best fashion, holiday preparations, pumpkin spice everything [yuck], and of course cuffing season [🙄]. I know I am not the only person seeing all of these cuffing season application and memes out there. While I will not deny that I have found them beyond funny and amusing I am stepping this season out. I could use a beau just like the rest of you, one I could cuddle up with, have some hot toddy's and watch some of my favorite movies, yet this year its a no go for me.
Dating has always been pretty simple and straight forward. I know what I want, what I am willing to deal with, and what I am attracted to. However I think this last relationship of sorts put me for a whirlwind. I have felt the most me I've ever felt in a long time, and opened up in a way that I never have before. Yes probably the most amazing feeling but also the hardest. When everything came to an end, or rather still is, I felt an overwhelming feeling of pain. And the craziest thing about it, it wasn't just pain from this relationship but from every single one prior to it. I never really cried when I was cheated on in prior relationships, nor when I was lied to. So I am realizing I was still hurting but never fully grieved.
For those wondering, I did not put my past onto this man in anyway. Timing just wasn't on our side, and as it passed I grew disappointed and resentful. I am no perfect being, but are any of us really? We all just want to feel like we are understood, loved, and cared for by the person we are with. While it can all be there, god can sometimes send us some curveballs that we just aren't ready for or don't know how to accept.
I looked at myself after a nice long cry and thought, ok what am I doing here, what next, how do I move on. I free flowed this poem and listened to it a few times. I asked my followers on insta story if I should share, and I received an overwhelming response of yes. Just know its been a minute since I have written or done any spoken word, so don't judge me too hard.
Please know that this poem wasn't based on any one person, but rather just a culmination of where part of me currently is.
I would really love to hear your thoughts on the poem, your past relationships or just any advice. Your girl needs some love!