This post is NSFW, if uncomfortable with nudity, skip this post
Back in June, I reached out to a good friend of mine about doing a shoot. Now I've already spoken to you guys about the whole turning 30 ordeal. But what I wanted to do was do a shoot that would stand in time for when I was 30 and still figuring out who the hell I was, or rather am. I knew I wanted to do a nude black and white shoot and JD was the best photographer for such a project. He had already done my Cassi House website back in April along with other shots of his that i have always loved.
What a lot of people do know about me is that I can be crazy, funny and over the top. But what very few seem to know about, is how shy I truly am. I get nervous with what people will think, how they will criticize me or think I'm odd. Since high school I've alway just fit in with people because I made sure not to show my super weird and awkward self, but that too was part of the reason why I got along with so many, because I understood the many personalities.
So we went ahead with my shoot a few days before my birthday. I still remember how nervous I was about this but at the same time, excited to push myself in an uncomfortable position. Sometimes I think we don't test ourselves enough to see what we can do. We played some relaxing music, the lights were dim in the room, and it was just JD, the camera, and my awkward self. He guided me in a few positions but it was relaxing after some time. When he said we were done, I was shocked because I had just gotten into the groove and felt I could do more. However I know he knew what was best. But the picture I received a few days later made me feel even better about the shot. The first picture I received [above] was what was sent to me. It was everything and more than I could have imagined.
Yet last night, I got a random message on my instagram from JD that read "someone made it to my site". Knowing that it was only this black and white shoot that we had done, I wasn't sure what to expect. I also had only seen two pictures from our entire shoot, which is all I wanted. But I was surely in for a surprise. This man usually has all these amazing models on his site, which are usually size -10 [we know that model life]. Seriously though, I mean this man has work on vogue for godsake. So when you are on a site like this, I could only be so honored. Upon checking out his new website, I was floored to see my images next to his many other beautiful images.
When I decided to share a small glimpse of the work, I texted my friend Natali before hand to ask her what she thought. Once again, the shy girl in me didn't know what to expect, because I know there was bound to be criticism. Yet she loved all the pictures and helped me choose one to put up for instagram. What makes it all worthwhile was the love I received after. I think sometimes you do things for yourself, to push yourself further, and get a better understanding of who you are. I've said this before and I will say it again, there is nothing more beautiful than getting to know who you are. I got 100x more love for the picture than I would've ever imagine. I mean people have seen what I look like in dresses and bathing suits but don't realize that there are dimples and scars on this body that i have learned to love and appreciate, I should even name each and every one of them. But JD made me slowly fall even more in love with the body and woman that I am.
I think so often we look at all these other women who are out there that are modeling to be the next video vixen and so many of us try to emulate them whether we choose to or not. But while I have gotten praise from men and women, they don't know what comes with this body, there are challenges you wouldn't believe but those things have made me a stronger person. I look to the women before me who have made this bold, black body what it is.
Thank you JD
Happy Black History Month,
Please Check out JD's new site. I am so proud of him.